I feel like it’s been a bit of a dark week. I’m a firm believer in hope, and light at the end of the tunnel. But I have some ideas of what it’s like to go through hell. This poem came about during one of the darkest times in my life. By the time I wrote it, I think I had internalised so much and hidden so much under an elaborate mask – like so many of us do when we are suffering – that no one would have known, and if they did they wouldn’t have known how to help me. I was caught between the intensity of social expectation, which I believed would destroy me if I didn’t toe-the-line, and a rotten cage that was definitely going to kill me. A rock and a hard place. In the end it got so bad that the social expectation ceased to be a thing, because although I cared about what people thought, my life became more important.
So, I’d say, while we need both darkness and light to grow and learn and teach us how help those around us – just remember how important your life is. Remember you are loved. Remember you are priceless.
I watched you die, precious angel.
I watched your life eek away.
You didn’t fight. Like a caged animal
Your only will to fight was to the end of your rope.
The confliction burnt you up.
The fear of the rage you inspire; tailor made
To the weakness of your heart.
Not the will to save yourself,
Slowly you succumb to your fate.
How I wish you could run away,
Or stand and fight without fear.
But nothing comes to you.
And your heart in your hands;
Bleeding to save someone else.
Run away, baby girl. Be safe.
There are more important battles
To be fought.
That’s what I’d have told you if you’d given me
Today, this one is dedicated to Chester Bennington. One of our own. Rest in peace, beautiful soul x