How do I get out of this rut? A gothic word.


Have you ever been in a rut? I feel like so many of us have been in this place lately. You know what I mean. It’s not specifically a financial rut, a relationship rut, a job satisfaction rut, a creative rut. Maybe it is a bit of all of these in someways, and yet, I’m referring to the deep kind of valley that a soul falls into, wanders off of its own accord, gets lost in a morbid wonderland of nothingness.

A wonderland where everything is on the edge, where your mind is creative, awake, and pushing for freedom behind the wall you’ve put up. You can see the lights of the next breakthrough shining like the city beyond the next hill, the highlights on the distant horizon of your night time.

And yet, you can’t quite reach it. You’re burdened down by everything else around you, the sometime meaningless and misery of life. But you should keep going, because you know you must, because it’s that light beyond the hill that drives you forward, that keeps your dreams alive when you sleep at night, that pushes you from your bed to tackle the day when the sun finally rises.

I’m here at the moment. If you are with me, let’s push on. Let’s search for the dark road forward….

The Dark Road Forward. J R Manawa.

The dark mist filtered over me, shrouded my body, and then plunged into me. Cold to my bones. There is always a dark awakening before the storm. The onset of fear and full immersion into the Nether.

Let’s be clear. It’s not a tipping point. My mind is a perilous world, but I dance with confidence along the edge of the crevasse, clutching tight to the hand that steadies me, like a child reaching for the beauty of the flames, despite living a life that is once burnt and twice shy.
And yet now, as the storm approaches, a whisper of a smile haunts my face. A knowledge that the night is always darkest before the dawn, and that I would rather walk loved in the darkness than alone in daylight. I know where love beckons me to go. I know what I’m called to do.
I’m not perfect, and I’m headed for the lonely path, the distant mountains. Just me, and you. Free-falling off the main road and into the thick mist, forging a path less known, searching for the missing. Plunging forward and pressing on. If not running, then walking or crawling when I can’t see the path ahead clearly. I’m not afraid, and words fail me, but these bones that lie beneath my crawling hands and knees spur me forward. This is my motivation.
And so I dance in the dark world, shrouded in the thickness of the love that leads me. I dance in the dark world, fearless for the love that rescues me. I dance in the dark world, confident of the path I’m on, the chosen road, less-travelled.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. MarlyB says:

    Intelligently written and thought provoking, this spoke to me.

    1. jrmanawa says:

      Awh thank you!

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